mallowmars
a mouth opens for
mallow marscookie and sticky
stuck marshmallow filling her mouth open and closed for sweetness
and conflicted crunchy soft
too late to wonder but I am
as I look at you at us
sitting on this stoop
too much
in the mouth and the mind to speak
and
I opened my mouth
to marshmallow fluff but
instead heard some words come out as I looked
at you at us
I can't see us can you?
I feel so lonely when I go to sleep I think I
yearn
but despise my acceptance of it
that sleep you love to sleep, it is
rest
I want to wander
on this stoop forever
if I go to bed my thoughts will wake up
too clear and defined I want to
wander
with my mouth full
of marshmallow ponderings
next to your smeared mascare—
You started weeping
it often happens at this point in the night
or the morning when the movement of the day
slows to
a stoop
,
and we sit here wandering cigarettes smoked liquor lost
to the blood and mind
you started weeping I realized
it may have been something I said
I hate sleep I love
eyes open
I fear my eyes closed
at myself you love sleep
you are exhausted from looking
at yourself
whereas I adore it
I love awakeness for the dark
is not—
you love sleep for the dark is—
I love for the dark— You love for the dark—
perhaps we love
the same thing:
but we love it differently
the mallowmar still fills
your mouth though we stopped
eating long ago at least
I think thats why
you’re not speaking—
we love for fear
of our faces
I love for fear of waking alone
with my clear thoughts
of thinking
I love for the love of staying
awake
to hear you cry and speak to me of
your love for fear of cognizance
of wandering thoughts that lead you alone
in your body
that leave me alone in mine
you love for the love of free
rest where there is no obligation
where there is nothing
what about the chocolate coating?
it crackles when my mouth tastes it when my mouth tastes
the thought it crackles loud enough
for us both to hear
I love for fear of not loving myself
I think you do too
though you want to drink yourself into wandering sleep
and
I want
to eat myself awake
to taste, absorb and feel—
otherwise I get so numb sometimes
without the crunch of the cookies
saliva and sticky mallllow
in between my lips—
I cannot make myself feel
I love you for fear
that I cannot make myself feel—
you remember to touch my shoulder
you know that I forget if I’m real sometimes
you love the freedom from that touch perhaps you love
not being real
I think I’ll
put you to bed now so your staring wander
into realness can stop
for a time
you know me after you sleep I’ll sit out
on the stoop for a while longer
afraid of my bed, bite a mallow mar
and throw the rest away now too
afraid
of the echoes of myself
of my need to fear
I love for fear of this moment on the stoop
when I don’t know where else to go
I envy your love of being lost
do you envy me too?
tomorrow night maybe you’ll go to bed with someone
who can
get lost somewhere too
I’ll be on the stoop too awake
to let someone lead me to my bed to anywhere
I’ll be here loving
my awareness fearing a fate of fantasy
I should submit myself to the morning awakeness
Awareness I will fear after falling into
the sleep I fear
the wandering I fear
too much
we love for fear
of our faces.
sometimes I wish I could love like you do
we don’t love
that differently do we we?



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